Confirmed

well, i woke up today thinking of what my friend told me last night.we were texting happily.asking if how is he doing,is he busy,things like that...but suddenly i paused for a moment, reading his text message saying that it is confirmed that the guy i still love is really having an affair with someone i did not expect he would give attention with.my heart suddenly ached so much for a while that i almost dropped a tear from my eye...it felt like my heart exploded and blood is all over inside me.well of course there is blood inside me but i don't mean it litteraly.my friend kept on asking me if that was the reason why we broke up and then i said yes.he wanted to know more about the whole story but i insisted because it would only cause pain..more pain...
it keeps on entering into my mind everyday why is this happening to me.did i do something wrong?have i chosen the wrong one?is this how God punishes me?i don't have any idea...im always asking God why and He kept silent.it is as if He doensn't want to answer...it is as if He doesn't want to listen...
im trying not to think of him even just a single second but i can't.all i just want is for me to move on and start totally with a new life.even though im moving on but not totally because he still bothers my mind.what will i do?
well, they say that when a person is in his or her downful moments that person is eager to finish or stay out of the situation and could not wait for the right time.yeah, i believe that.it is even in a line of a song "one step at a time,there's no need to rush..."and it is true.we should wait.but we could not avoid feeling that way because we are bothered with the present feeling which is so strong.but maybe it only depends on the person how he or she deals with the situation.
i hope i can deal with this and move on TOTALLY...and i hope somebody can save me from the pain....hehehehe.....char!!!