A self realization

Para maiba naman, magtatagalog muna ako. Pero mahirap eh, taglish na lang.hehehe. After a long time of not updating my blog, andito na naman ako. Well, in case you want to know why I was gone for quite a while, umiba kasi ang ihip ng hangin sa mundong aking ginagalawan eh. A lot of things happened, a lot of thinking was thought and a lot of decisions was made. Maraming naging pagbabago na naganap sa buhay ko nitong mga nakaraang araw. I don't know why did i feel that way. I don't know kung ba't ako nagkaganoon. Ewan ko, hindi ko masagot ang mga katanongang iyan na laging pumapatak sa isip ko.

Nitong mga huling araw lang, I had some confusions in mind that bothers me all the time, publication responsibilities, school, people around me, my family, there are actually a lot of them that bothers my mind. Every time I wake up in the morning, I always think of these things and even before going to bed. But the thing that bothers me most is on the decision I was about to decide which is to quit or not in the publication. Since the publication is already a part of my life, I really have to be ready for the consequences that I will face if whatever my decision would be. I was thinking about it for how many days and I have decided to quit because I thought to myself that I am not already doing my job. "Waht's the use of staying in the publication?" I just thought. I was governed by my thoughts and emotions that time that I really had to quit to focus on my schooling since we were also pressured with our requirements. I also thought that it will not make any difference if I will quit but I was wrong. As days were passing, something inside me lacks all the time I felt that medyo may kulang talaga.

I started not to attend our meetings anymore and people started to wonder where am I. That thought of them makes me feel that they also remember me pala. According to some of them, marami na palang naghahanap sa akin sa office and I was touched. When our eic knew that I was planning to quit, he texted me and he wanted to talk to me. We actually did but when we were already conversing, I cannot anymore utter my words. It was already difficult for me to talk to him and tell him why I wanted to quit. Hindi niya ako pinayagang mag quit dahil napaka shallow naman talaga ng aking reasons. As he was talking, I realized that I was just over reacting and just making things complicated. That thought came to me and knock my head off. I said to myself that why am I making it complicated when in fact I can still do it. The only problem would be is that I just have to control myself from being lazy and just do some sensible things.

Right now, I'm already here again. Continuing what is supposed to be continued and finished. May He enlightened my mind and my heart to be more responsible enough dahil nakasalalay naman dito ang future ko eh...