As the days are passing and as the mid term week is coming, pressures form my different subjects both major and minors are also on my shoulders. Requirements here and there. But what I have noticed is that I prefer to give attention to the requirements of my minor subjects than my major subjects except for one because it's not worth it anyway. I don't know why I'm in a course (which is interesting anyway) that has a faculty problem.
I thought that the faculty in a certain department will guide us and teach us on what we will suppose to know but it's different. They are the ones who do not know what to teach and on what their students should know about the course except for one. Why are they like this? Is it that they just what money? influence? I don't know...or maybe they are just like that..
Despite that, I still learned a lot from maybe two teachers from our department and got something which I will not forget.
I have partially watched the documentary of Michael Jackson (MJ) at abs-cbn hosted by Boy Abunda last night and I found out that he was really dedicated to his career or profession. A lot of people closed to him were interviewed and some of his music videos were shown. It was fantastic!
MJ's keyboardist said that MJ wants something spectacular for his fans. He said that every time he has a concert, he will really conceptualized on what will be his appearance to his fans and what will they be screaming of. He also said that MJ does not want his fans not to enjoy his show.
A choreographer who was closed to MJ said that one event he will never forget about him is that when he had his concert in Japan wherein he just jumped out from the stage and was just standing there without making any move and people were already screaming and crying. He was really a remarkable icon and indeed a great performer.
Based on what they said and on what I saw on the documentary of MJ is that he is a total performer. Meaning, he will not disappoint his fans. He will really give out his best and would leave a memorable moment to his fans every time he performs.
I also found out that MJ started in Jackson Five wherein it was a group of him and his brothers. I saw their videos during the time of Jackson Five and I can say that MJ really shined among them since he will really perform and show what he has.
His father trained them because he saw that his five sons have potentials and can perform on stage. They really have a good blending on their voices which is amazing..
What I really realized on the documentary is that MJ is not just a performer on stage or just a famous icon but he was also dedicated to his fans and loved them. As what Janet Jackson said, "Micheal is an icon to many but he is a family to us."
Being a writer in a student publication where it is already a part of the evolution of my world, I can say that it gave me some positive effects that really helped me in shaping my myself and helped me realize some things.
One of these positive effects is that I learned a lot. I learned something out of writing. I learned something in the publication which I did not learn in our class (as a Mass Com student) but maybe those things I learned in the publication were really discussed by our professor since he is also our adviser here in the publication. It's just that I did not listen attentively or just maybe absent minded.
I also learned how to value people around me and how to treasure them. I saw something valuable on the people in the publication that I did not expect I will encounter nor learned. I saw how they appreciate the people around them and I saw how they love them. It's a good thing about them and it's also a nice thing for me. I feel like I'm being loved by everyone and it's a great feeling. It touches my heart...
Another thing is that I learned how to fight back and defend myself. I used to be silent specially when somebody's making fun of me or cracking jokes about me. But when I entered the publication, they also do the same but in a funny way and they were also the ones who taught me how to fight back. It's like they were the ones who started something crazy that resulted into something good at the end of the line. Thanks to them!
But despite of what they did to me, I feel guilty because in return I'm not doing my job as a writer which is the main reason why I'm here. I'm just a "pasaway" since I won't bother beating deadlines just because my co writers are also doing the same. They did not also beat deadlines because they are also not yet done with their articles. It's shameful because I should be a good epitome to them considering the fact that I'm a Mass Comm student and some of them are not.
Even if I'm like that, a part of me wanted really to pass articles on the given deadlines but the only problem is that I'm just too lazy gathering facts. I will always get tired of gathering facts even if I know that it is like that. I always say to myself that I should be responsible enough because I'm a student journalist and since I also entered this journalistic world but it is only in my mind and I'm not doing anything about it.
I just hope that sooner or later I will realize and I will be enlightened that I should be responsible and I should do my job..
Lying here with you Listening to the rain Smilin just to see The smile upon your face And this are the moments I thank God that I'm alive And this are the moments I remember all my life I found all I've waited for And I could not ask for more
Looking in your eyes Seeing all I need Everything you are Is everything to me And this are the moments I know heaven must exist And this are the moments I know all I need is this I have all I've waited for And I could not ask for more
I could not ask for more Than this time together I could not ask for more than this time with you And every prayer has been answered And every dream I had came true Yeah, you're right here in this moment Is right here where I'm meant to be Oh, here with you Here with me
Could not ask for more Than the love you give me Coz It's all I've waited for And I could not ask for more... more..
I really like Edwin Mccain songs. It's really meaningful and it's full of emotions. The singer really feels his songs as what the listeners do. It's as if he is a man of emotions that can make someone feel something he or she can appreciate.
They say that when you have someone or a partner, you will be inspired and you will feel happy because you are really in love. But in my case, I don't see it like that because the problem is, I don't love him or even have an affection for him. I don't know why I'm into this relationship and why I'm keeping him. It's just that the bottom line is, I can't love him even if how hard I try. I just can't. Every time I look at his face and when I look deeper into his eyes, I can't feel that spark. The so called magic in love. I'm emotionless... Every time I'm with him, i can't feel that excitement and that extreme happiness I felt before when I was still madly in love with someone. I don't feel the same thing and it's really awkward.
I tried to break up with him once but he said "no" and tried to convinced me not to. I was convinced I guess.. But what bothers me most is that I can see his effort in trying to be with me in any way he can. And my conscience is killing me since I don't have feelings for him and all he knows is that I'm also in love with him. I'm not used to this kind of situation and I'm not used to this kind of awkwardness.
Every time I think of breaking up with him, my heart says yes but my mind says no and it is confusing me. I know my heart is just telling the truth and it's just being honest. But my mind is opposing my heart and I just don't know why. I can't help it! My heart is trying to convince my conscience but my mind is so strong. It's funny basically because my conscience is inside my mind and it's being independent. Wow! am I insane? But I don't think so. I maybe just confused of which is to be followed.
I don't want to ask God of what to do because deep within me, I know that this is wrong and I keep on doing it. It's an honest mistake and it's freaking me out. It's shameful to Him asking if what will I do since it is just a crazy thing and I am just making things complicated. But what will I do? I think my mind is trying to be someone and it's making it's own decision without even confronting me.. What the heck?!...
I just hope that maybe in some way, I will be guided and enlightened. I just hope that no one will be hurt in the end and we will end up in good terms. I hope it will be that easy...
It's been a very long time since I had my last post because of technical problems.hehe. It maybe funny but I really had a hard time on how to place cbox in my blog and it pissed me off! Thanks to Jeremiah, I finally have my own cbox.hehehe. The second thing that bothered me was I lost interest in blogging.. It may sound disappointing but it's true. It maybe because I found a difficulty creating my own cbox that led me to lose interest.hehe. But I'm already happy now because I already have one and it's cool. I just hope that a lot will visit in my blog and place some comments.hehehe... Now that I have my own cbox, my interest in blogging already came back and it feels good. I feel like I'm already relieved. I will now try to always update my blog and try posting some interesting topics.hehehe.. See yah!