Ala ra gud...

Wala lang just posting these pix because fortunately, I saw these when I was browsing the internet...hehehe... wala nay mopalag!

Emote na pud...

I'm starting to emote again... Well, it's been a while when I posted stating that I was in love "kunohay" but maybe it is stuck there as we go along with this boring relationship or should I call this not a relationship at all... I love the guy but I just don't see the commitment between us. It's not that I want really commitment but all I want is that if he really want this to work, he should have given me even if just a little effort to show that he really cares for me...that's all I wanted. I just want somebody who will show me that he really loves me and not that he would only realized that he loves me when I'm gone and when he gets me back, there's none anymore...it's something like that. It's really complicated.

The problem with him is that he will only try to exert effort in showing that he loves me "kuno" when he knows that I might be gone any time. He will always say that he is busy considering that he is an accountancy student, yes I understand that but my point is if he really loves me and cares for me, he should at least give me some time, even if it is just a little. A text is not that painful... It's just that. What's the point of being together again when you can't even give yourselves a time even if it is just a little. All I want is for him to show me that he thinks of me even in his busy life... I sometimes think that maybe he does not really love me at all. Maybe it is just an infatuation...

Right now, I'm again thinking of breaking up with him again because I can't continue a relationship like this. I can't even call it a relationship because we seldom see and text each other. It is like we are not lovers at all.It is like we are just strangers...I want to stop this mess before I can't afford to let him go anymore, before it's too late... I'm willing to sacrifice what I feel for him if that's the best thing I can do. If that's the right thing to do.

I don't want to complicate things (since my love life is already complicated, hehehehe...). I just want someone who can stand and fight for his love for me. A man whom I can laugh with and would understand and accept me for what I am...
P.S. Emote na pud ko oi...sori na gud! I just want to let this out...

My Ben Barnes...

I'm in love again...

It was two days ago when I posted something about my "love life kuno".hehehe. Well, definitely, it has a progress now and I am actually happy about it.

Last night, as the usual routine during tuesdays and thurdays that after our meeting in the publication I will ride in a bus (last trip) so that I will reach home even if it is too late at night. When I arrived at the terminal, I directly saw a lot of passengers waiting for the last trip and it was new. I hurriedly went to the ticket booth so that I can get my seat and a lot of people are already falling in line there. When I looked at the end of the line, I saw him. He was also there looking at me and smiling. I smiled back and I felt some happiness inside me. I don't know why...

I walk towards them (since he was with his friend) and I said "hello" and he asked me "how are you?" and to my surprise, he held my arm. I just glanced at it and also to my surprise, he was like shy and he realized that he is over reacting (I think). I also saw something in his eyes, it was like it was the same eyes I always see when we were still lovers before. I thought to myself that maybe he still loves me..

When we were conversing, my friend called me and I went directly to him. I asked him to buy me a ticket. I went back to them and we chatted and I can sense that he is really affected with my presence and I am happy with it. When my friend was finished getting tickets for us, I did not know that he (my friend who is a gay) knows him also and he kept on flirting with him and I can see that he does not like it.

When the bus already parked and the passengers started to get inside, it was really difficult because the bus was really full and the passengers cannot pass anymore. Good thing that there was a vacant seat and I hurriedly seated there. When I was on my seat and at the same time chatting with my friend, I saw him and I really pity him not because he was already standing since it was already full but because I could see that there is really love in his eyes. It was like he regretted something which was so valuable. As the bus was on its way, my eyes was focused on the glass window reflecting him. I felt pity and at the same time I felt regret also because I thought that we could have settled it before if we just understood each other before.

When I arrived home, I ate my dinner and I was really exhausted because of the trip. I hurriedly changed my clothes and went to bed. I charged my phone because it was battery empty and when I lie down, my phone beeped and it was his message. I just thought that maybe he will talk about our meeting at the ceres terminal but when I read it, the first word of his message already poured my heart with happiness. The first word was our endearment and he was begging me to continue what we had started because according to him, he cannot deny to himself that he really loves me. I was really happy and I felt like my heart will come out for happiness. I did not deny that I was also thinking of him and that I already love him. That night, we were officially lovers again and I also confirmed that I am starting to fall in love again and I am happy with it because I can prove to myself that I have recovered from my past and that my heart is again open for someone.

I just hope that this time, our relationship will work already and that we can give more time to each other. I know I love him now...

Affected?

Its' been a while when I had my last post. A lot of happenings had happened to me and it was an experience.

The first thing is about my "love life kuno", hehehe. I already mentioned about this in my last post "It's just an honest mistake" and we already broke up. It was a relief to me honestly because my conscience is already at peace but then I am also confused at the same time because it hurts a little. I don't know why am I feeling this way. Maybe because I already opened my heart to him because I thought he can occupy the empty space within me. The flow of our relationship was getting okay but as time passes, it was like I felt that our relationship will not anymore work because even if how hard I try to let him into my heart, he won't fit.

Days after we broke up, he texted me and he said that he was sorry because he did not feel okay the time we broke up. But then my mind is already fixed that time and I did not want to continue what we have started because I don't want to complicate things more.

Yesterday, I went home at about 9pm and since there is no more "easyrides" (vehicles for Amlan) that will send me to our place, I went to Ceres Terminal and rode for the 9pm trip. I was already in a standing position since the bus is already full. All I am thinking at that time was to get home, eat my dinner and sleep. There were like other college students from other schools who were like talking and laughing out loud (which is the usual setting). I was waiting for the bus to go, when suddenly a guy called "Bon" for three times and it caught my attention. I remembered him and I said to myself, "how is he now?". I just did not mind the guy when suddenly, a familiar voice of a girl said to someone "Sige na i.offer dayon imong seat,". That time, I said to myself, "OMG! Naa gud di ay siya sa luyo." The girl and the guy kept calling me and I did not even bother turning my head to face them. I pretended that I did not notice them and just stand their and wait for the bus to go.

When the bus was already on the road, my mind was divided to him and home. I was confused if why am I so affected of his presence. I just said that maybe this is really normal when you and your ex will see each other or one of you saw the other. I felt a little regret at that time because I was thinking that if I only love him that much, maybe our relationship will grow and we will soon evolve in each other's world. But I also thought that maybe we are not really meant for each other.

The day after that, he texted me and said that he was sorry for not offering his seat to me and I pretended that I did not notice him. He said that he was really bothered with his conscience because of that and I just thought that why is he that bothered? Is it normal for a guy to feel like that to his ex girl friend? Or maybe, just maybe he still has an affection for me? That is, I don't know...

A question of faith

I was very eager to watch the movie "The Exorcism of Emily Rose". They said that it is a nice movie and very horrifying. I was also curious and was interested to watch it. I was hoping that it will be played in HBO or in any other cable channels but I failed. But luckily, a co member of mine in the student publication has a laptop and fortunately, he has a copy of that movie. I asked him to let me watch but at first, my classmate was the first one who borrowed and I was disappointed but it was okay. It is like it really thrills me.

When I watched it, I thought I was the one who will be interested but I never thought that many of us haven't watch it yet. I was happy to know that I'm not alone because they said that it is really scary and maybe I will not finish the movie if I will watch it alone because maybe I will be so scared. But definitely, I was disappointed because it was not really that scary and horrifying. I thought that the effects will be that scary since I have watched a lot of exorcisms which are really horrifying. But I was disappointed. Well, somehow it's okay because I enjoyed watching anyway.

What I learned about the story is that the exorcism of Emily was being cased. It was about spiritual healing against medical cure. But the point was that the case was trying to tell about what is the difference between the possibility and the truth. It was trying to tell that there is a possibility that Emily was being possessed by demons. It is as if they are trying to show that demons exist and I do believe in it.

I pity Emily because of her sufferings but despite that I understand why Emily chose to stay as what I understand in the movie because she did not anymore mind if what will happened to her but she wanted to tell us that demons do exist and we should not take it as a joke. She also wants us to have faith in God and should also believe in Him. We should not assume that He is not there watching us but we should put in mind that He is there for us and we should believe and have faith in Him.

A memorable leader

As time passes and as our generation exists, we are aware and we are educated that we live in a democratic country. We studied Philippine history and one woman change everything. She spared the Filipino people from the extreme sufferings of the Marcos regime. She did everything for the welfare of the Filipinos and I have proven it now even if I was not yet born during her excellency's time.

Corazon "Cory" Cojuanco Aquino was an ordinary and a typical type of a housewife whose heart was so pure. Her legendary leadership began when the former Senator Benigno "Ninoy" Aquino Jr. was shot dead at the NAIA airport. He was a very good person. That incident led her to continue what Ninoy had started, to serve the Filipino people.

She ran for presidency in opposition against the former President Marcos and won the position. She saved the Filipinos from the sufferings they had during Marcos' administration. She served the Filipinos as they were supposed to be and gave her heart to them. The people were glad to have her as their leader.

Time passes and Cory was over with her term as the president but still people looked up on her and respected her as she was still the president. She was a remarkable one and people could not forget on what she has done for the nation.

Until such time that the Aquino family announced that she was sicked and they need the people's spiritual support. The people did give their support and the Aquino family appreciated it anyway. It lasted for about more than a year when the Aquino family announced again to the public that Cory had a colon cancer which is already in stage 4 and again the public offered their spiritual support to the family. But she did not last long because she died and the Filipino people mourned for her especially the Aquino family.

The burial of Cory Aquino was a history, it's also record breaking like Ninoy's before. Hundreds of thousands of people were there to wait for her in the streets and some were there also to walked with the cortege in which the casket of Cory was in it for about 22.3km from the cathedral to the memorial park.

You can really see that the Filipinos loved her and appreciated her effort for the welfare of the people. You can see that adults, teens and even children were there soaked in the rain to witnessed the last hours of the former president. You can see that they want to sacrifice their hunger and their health just to see even Cory's casket for the last time.

For me, the burial of Cory Aquino was a lesson to political icons who will become leaders someday that a good leader is always loved by its people. It's a lesson for them to see that if you care for the welfare of your people and if you love them, for sure in return they will respect you, love you and will never forget you in their entire lives.

I just hope that the burial of Cory Aquino will touch the hearts of the corrupt leaders and think for the betterment of the Filipino people instead which is truly their job..