I was disappointed

It was a total disappointment...

Have you felt that feeling of excitement that you can achieve something? Did you already expect and later on found out that you were just wasting your time? Have you experienced a feeling of total disappointment? Well I guess I just did.

I mentioned in my last post that I'm confident that I could finish my enrollment today but to my disappointment, I did not. It was a relief to me this morning when I got my control number and by just looking at it, I know that the long wait is almost over. I was just blogging this morning so that my time would be consumed with something sensible since it was announced that those who have control numbers from 13,101 up will be this afternoon.

When the clock ticked at about past one, I hurriedly went to the encoding area to wait for my number. We even chatted with one of my co member in the publication but when the assigned personnel announced that they will just encode students who have the control numbers from 13,101 up to 13,900; I could not utter a word. I was speechless because I was expecting that I could finish my enrollment today. It was like I was already washing my hands so that I could already eat but then there was already no food. The feeling is something like that... It was like "oh!"...

I just said to myself, "it's okay... May bukas pa." Oo nga naman, but the fact remains that I expected a lot and in the end there's nothing but a total disappointment... Haay...!

Almost there

This day is almost over and I'm still not yet finish with my enrollment. I cannot exactly tell when am I going to finish my enrollment but I'm aiming to finish it by Monday next week.

My enrollment form is still at the Dean's office so that it would be signed by the dean. After that, I will still photocopy the receipts and everything before I can get my control number and then fall in line for encoding. I could say that the process for enrollment in our university is just easy if you will just analyze it but the only problem is falling in line because there are a lot of students in every line. An enrollee in our university would complain that the lines are long and the personnel assigned in every line is not that active.

Well, they say that it can't be avoided situations like this in a public school but I believe that it is not about that. It is about being how any school or any institution operates or runs. I'm not blaming anyone for this inconvenient system but I'm just telling my outlook about it.

But on the other hand, I'm glad that at least I'm moving and I'm almost there. I just hope that I could finish this on my target day. "Kaw na lang ang bahala Bro..."

Decision na naman...

Andito na namam ako... Confused on what to do and what to decide...

Haay naku, lagi na lang bang mahirap ang pagdidisisyon? Ano ba ito? It's so hard to decide on things. You have to think of it for how many times. You have to think of the probable consequences on both sides. You have to balance things out if which is better. You have to think of the after effects that you could handle and stand until the end.

Ewan ko nga ba kung tama ba 'yong naging decision ko. Pero sa totoo lang, I felt relief when I chose the other one. Basta, may paghihinayang man akong nararamdaman ay okay lang dahil feeling tama 'yong naging decision ko... Bahala na si Lord nito... Come what may...

Bahala ka na Bro...!!!

Again...

Here we go again...

I don't want to narrate the whole story of what surprised me but I just want to share that he's here again, convincing me to go on.

We met and chatted again. I was convinced that he really has that feeling called "love" for me but what I am feeling right now is not the same. All I know is that I'm still involve with "this" because I like him not love him. But on the other hand, I am afraid because a little space in my heart wants him to fill it up in which I don't want to. I don't want to because I'm afraid of being hurt and losing someone again (if ever).

Meanwhile, I'm glad that I'm giving some special attention again to somebody else. I'm glad that maybe, just maybe, I might fall in love again but I'm wishing not to let it happen maybe because I'm afraid of commitment or just afraid of being hurt.

But as of now, I'm happy about it and just come what may... (confused)

Enrollment galore...

Enrollment na naman for the second semester of this school year. And I'm here at our office blogging since I can't proceed processing my enrollment because I still have three IRs (incomplete grade) because our teachers have not yet submitted our grades at the registrar's office. It's sad looking at my grade slip that has a lot of IRs but on the other hand, I am so happy because I passed my literature subject and knowing that I can proceed enrolling to literature 115 this semester.

Though I'm a little bit sad about my grades still, I'm a lot happier since my other grades are higher and I passed them.

What am I thinking right now is for this semester if am I going to pass all the subjects I am going to take and if I will have a lot of IRs, etc. But on the other hand, I'm glad I'm still here to enroll.

Meanwhile, my co member in the publication asked me to come with her to process our scholarship as one of the benefits we can get from the publication. Fortunately, it was already approved and we can already enroll but unlucky me, I can't proceed on my enrollment. But I'm still not losing hope because I know, I can still enroll and continue my studies.

Lalaine Montalban...

I had my exam in our literature class this morning and I was just confident that it will be easy since out teacher gave us some pointers to study. I studied naman even if I hate the type of test she gave us, as usual objective type, and considering that literature is just like history. You will just study the history of literature in our country. When the test paper was already in my hands, I found out that the exam was really difficult. Difficult in a sense that you have to remember those specific details, like the authors, dates, and everything about it; and what's worst? There are some questions which was not found in our photocopy. That's really far out! Because I have a low memory, some things that I studied was forgotten...

I had really a hard time answering the test questions since I don't know most of it. I really had a headache and I am worried because we have a cut off in that subject and I'm afraid if I won't reach it considering that it's already my retake.hehehe.. I just hope that God will have mercy and He will let me pass the subject.

P.S. Lalaine Montalban ( na toolbar, ala kabalo...etc,) In case you don't understand the title...hehehe...

A self realization

Para maiba naman, magtatagalog muna ako. Pero mahirap eh, taglish na lang.hehehe. After a long time of not updating my blog, andito na naman ako. Well, in case you want to know why I was gone for quite a while, umiba kasi ang ihip ng hangin sa mundong aking ginagalawan eh. A lot of things happened, a lot of thinking was thought and a lot of decisions was made. Maraming naging pagbabago na naganap sa buhay ko nitong mga nakaraang araw. I don't know why did i feel that way. I don't know kung ba't ako nagkaganoon. Ewan ko, hindi ko masagot ang mga katanongang iyan na laging pumapatak sa isip ko.

Nitong mga huling araw lang, I had some confusions in mind that bothers me all the time, publication responsibilities, school, people around me, my family, there are actually a lot of them that bothers my mind. Every time I wake up in the morning, I always think of these things and even before going to bed. But the thing that bothers me most is on the decision I was about to decide which is to quit or not in the publication. Since the publication is already a part of my life, I really have to be ready for the consequences that I will face if whatever my decision would be. I was thinking about it for how many days and I have decided to quit because I thought to myself that I am not already doing my job. "Waht's the use of staying in the publication?" I just thought. I was governed by my thoughts and emotions that time that I really had to quit to focus on my schooling since we were also pressured with our requirements. I also thought that it will not make any difference if I will quit but I was wrong. As days were passing, something inside me lacks all the time I felt that medyo may kulang talaga.

I started not to attend our meetings anymore and people started to wonder where am I. That thought of them makes me feel that they also remember me pala. According to some of them, marami na palang naghahanap sa akin sa office and I was touched. When our eic knew that I was planning to quit, he texted me and he wanted to talk to me. We actually did but when we were already conversing, I cannot anymore utter my words. It was already difficult for me to talk to him and tell him why I wanted to quit. Hindi niya ako pinayagang mag quit dahil napaka shallow naman talaga ng aking reasons. As he was talking, I realized that I was just over reacting and just making things complicated. That thought came to me and knock my head off. I said to myself that why am I making it complicated when in fact I can still do it. The only problem would be is that I just have to control myself from being lazy and just do some sensible things.

Right now, I'm already here again. Continuing what is supposed to be continued and finished. May He enlightened my mind and my heart to be more responsible enough dahil nakasalalay naman dito ang future ko eh...